Oh hello there, Twenty-Eight...

This morning, I kinda lost it.  I realized that I'll be 28 years old tomorrow.  This is officially "late 20s."  How did this even happen?  It just doesn't seem that long ago that as soon as it hit midnight, I went to the grocery store and bought cigarettes for the first time.  I didn't smoke.  And I didn't plan on smoking.  But I was old enough to buy the cigarettes.  So I did.  That was TEN years ago.  WHAT?!  My ten year high school reunion is in like, a month.  HOW?!  This is nuts.

Anyway, I am really sad to say goodbye to 27.  This was the best year of my life.  A few days before my birthday last year, I moved to Los Angeles...again.  This time I was older and, I like to think, wiser.  I had a plan, and I was ready to go for it.  I didn't know a ton of people, and most people have real jobs that keep them busy all day during the week, so for my birthday, on a Tuesday, I decided that if I was going to be alone on my birthday, I was going to do it at Disneyland.

Best. Decision. Ever.

I had a blast.  I felt independent, strong, and ready to take on the world.  One of my friends was driving back to LA from Vegas, so she stopped by Disneyland on her way around 7pm and spent the next few hours with me.  I don't know if she'll ever realize how much that meant to me.

I think that birthday was a little symbolic of the whole year.  Just kind of navigating my way through, doing what I wanted to do, when I wanted to do it, and if something came up that changed my plans, I was open to it.  So ready to take on the world.  Oh...and Disneyland.  Lots and lots of Disneyland.

I met some great people.  Navigated my way through LA.  Filmed some cool stuff.  Found a great acting coach...and voice coach.  Travelled to some new places.  Got in the best shape of my life (and then went on vacation and added a little extra fluff).  Made some new goals and started really working toward them.  And realized that maybe I CAN do everything I want to do.

As I get older, I realize that there's so much more to do.  There's so much life ahead of me.  There's so much I don't know and haven't experienced.  It's pretty exciting.

So while I'm sad to leave 27 because it really was so good to me, I'm even more excited for 28.

Let's do this.

A Normal Family

So gay marriage is legal...finally.  And while this is not a post on whether or not it is right, I will say this: It does not matter if your religion believes it's right or wrong.  This is about equality.  You can still believe that homosexuality is a sin while still accepting that people have the right to make their own decisions and be treated equally.  Trust me, you can.  You do it all the time about other issues.

But enough about that.  I want to talk about children...because as the great Whitney Houston said, they are our future.

There is some debate about what a "normal family" is and what is the ideal situation for a child to be raised in.  I honestly don't even know what a normal family is.  I mean, if we look at the Bible, King David, who was chosen by God, had multiple wives and concubines, and I have a feeling that most Christians don't believe that's normal.  Teenage girls used to be married off for payment, and I don't think that's normal.  Kings used to behead their queens if they didn't give them a child...or a son.  For my LDS friends, there's really no way to deny that Joseph Smith had multiple wives, from 14 years old to 56 years old (see lds.org).  Is that normal or traditional?

There are arguments that say that children need a mom and a dad because males and females have different qualities and roles that children need in order to have a well-balanced upbringing.  I suppose this is the ideal. Mom, Dad, a son and a daughter. A perfect, loving family with a white-picket fence and big green yard to run around in.  Does it happen?  Yes, of course.  But is it the norm?  Absolutely not.

We live in an imperfect world.  One where divorce happens, where parents disappear, where people become addicted to drugs, where parents die, where babies are born drug-addicted or with life-threatening diseases and illnesses, where people abuse or neglect their children, where people become foster parents for the extra money instead of the suffering child, where people get pregnant on accident, where regular meals are unavailable, where adequate medical care is nonexistent, and so much more.  Unfortunately, we can't all be so lucky as to have been brought into this world with a mom and a dad who love and are committed to each other and their children, who plan for their children, and who are financially capable of raising their children.

So for those who believe that gay and lesbian couples should not be allowed to raise or adopt children, I ask you this: Does being a heterosexual couple always qualify a man and a woman to raise a child?  How many accidental pregnancies do we have in this country?  Probably more than planned pregnancies.  And how many of those couples are completely unqualified to raise a child, whether because they can't afford it, are too young, are drug-addicted, or a myriad of other things?  How many of these "heterosexual parents" become single parents because one of those "normal, straight parents" is a deadbeat?  Over 40% actually (see here).  But guess what.  Because they couldn't figure out how to properly use birth control, they are now raising a child that they have no business raising.  Do you believe that is stable?  Do you really believe that is the better option than gay parents?

Here are some staggering statistics for you from childhelp.org:

• Over 3 million reports of child abuse involving over 6 million children are made in the U.S. each year.
• Every day, between four and seven children die due to child abuse and neglect.
• 80% of child deaths due to child abuse and neglect have at least one parent as the perpetrator (so at least 1,168 children per year die at the hands of their parent).

That's just in the United States.  Are these parents more qualified than gay parents just because they're "normal" and straight?

What about foster care?  Is foster care a better option for the 463,000 children currently in U.S. foster care than two dads or two moms?  Before you answer, consider these statistics from childrenunitingnations.org and fosterclub.com:

• About 127,000 foster children are currently waiting to be adopted, and less than half of them will actually be adopted
• 65% of foster kids emancipate, or age-out, without a place to live (which is probably why 40% of all people living in homeless shelters are former foster children)
• Less than 3% go to college and 51% are unemployed

And what about kids who just don't have parents at all?  Or whose parents are completely incapable of providing for them?  Reading these statistics breaks my heart (from sos-usa.org and who.int):

• 153 million children have lost one or both parents worldwide
• 7.6 million children under the age of five die each year (2010)
• 19,000 children under the age of five die EVERY DAY (2011)
• "Around 70% of these early child deaths are due to conditions that could be prevented or treated with access to simple, affordable interventions."
• At least one-third of child deaths are from malnutrition.

Children are literally starving to death.  You and I have NEVER felt the pain they have felt.  Think back to the time you were most hungry, when you probably said "I'm so hungry I'm going to STARVE!!"  Multiply that times 10.  These kids feel that pain every day of their life.  Their entire existence is just hunger until they die of starvation.

From Wall Street OTC

I want you to think about what it takes for a homosexual couple to have a child.  Because there is absolutely no way for them to create a child naturally, they are very much like infertile heterosexual couples.  They have to invest time and money.  They have to specifically plan.  They usually have to pass psychological evaluations, home inspections, and so much more.  (Here's a ten-step overview of adoption, if you're interested.)  Their planning ALWAYS begins before pregnancy, while a fertile, heterosexual couple can get pregnant completely by accident.  I think this proves how committed they are to providing a loving and supportive home to a child who wouldn't otherwise have one.  And you better believe those children will KNOW how loved they are, how much they were wanted, and that they were not just a happy accident.

Right now, there are an estimated two million LGBT people who want to adopt. One-third of agencies will reject their applications simply because they are gay. When someone says that LGBT couples shouldn't be able to adopt for whatever reason, I have to believe that they can't possibly know these statistics. Because if they did, they could never say something so cold and so callous...that these children are better off dying of starvation, enduring child abuse, or just never having parents than having two dads or two moms.

This adorable family photo was found on Huffington Post
taken by Sara + Ryan Photography

Things I've Learned from Disney Princesses

Lately I've been hearing the complaint that Disney Princesses aren't good role models.  People complain that they teach you to wait around for your handsome prince, that stepmothers are evil, that being beautiful is most important.  I guess I can see why someone would say those things, but I think they're missing the bigger picture.  I grew up loving and adoring the princesses.  I knew all their songs.  I had their sheets, pajamas, and clothes.  They autographed my Disneyland book.  I wanted to be one.  I think it is important to be fair to these fictional but admired women.  And so, here are the valuable lessons I have learned from Disney Princesses.

1. Snow White: When someone is mistreating you, you don't have to stick around for it.  Also, when you have work to do, whistle...make it fun!  It gets done quicker and easier.

2. Cinderella: Dreams DO come true.  Sometimes people are mean to you but in the end...KARMA.  Good wins.

3. Aurora: We don't always know how special or important we are.  (I mean, she was a princess and didn't even know it!)

4. Ariel: Just because you're born a mermaid doesn't mean you have to stay a mermaid.  If you're determined, you can become a human!  Basically, if you don't have what you want, figure out how to get what you want.  Also, independence breeds conflict.

5. Belle: Always look for the good in others.  Reading is fun.  It's ok to be different.

6. Jasmine: Love is more important than riches or prestige.  What's inside is more important than what's outside.

7. Pocahontas: Color doesn't matter.  The Earth is special and we should be kind to it.

8. Mulan: Girls/Women can do anything they put their mind to.  We are just as good as men.

9. Tiana: Again, we can do anything we put our minds to!  When we focus on our own lives and goals, everything else falls into place.

10. Rapunzel: Trust your intuition.  Be nice.  Life is an adventure.

11. Merida: You don't have to marry a man just because everyone expects you to.  You don't need a man to make you complete.

12. Elsa: Be you.  Fear works against you.

13. Anna: Princesses don't wake up looking perfect either.  Sometimes they're clumsy and say the wrong thing.  Be optimistic.

So thank you, Disney, for helping me to become a woman that I like, that I would want to be friends with. I'm grateful for these role models and the lessons they have taught me.

Life is precious.

As the days and weeks and months and years pile on to my life, I realize this more and more.  As I get older, people that I love and care about go through so many ups and downs of life.  Marriage, children, sickness, graduation, career changes, divorce, trauma, abuse, anniversaries, death.  There's always something going on in the lives of my family, friends, and acquaintances.

My little sister was born when I was eight years old.  She was like a child to me.  I bathed her, I changed her diaper, I took care of her when she was sick, played with her, gave her advice, fought with her...  Because of the age gap, I always looked at her as a baby instead of a friend.  (That is a struggle I've been trying to get through for the last six years or so, since she is not a baby anymore, but that is another story.)  When I found out she was pregnant, it hit me really hard.  SHE'S NOT OLD ENOUGH SHE'S LIKE TWELVE YEARS OLD HOW IS THIS EVEN POSSIBLE!!!??!!  That's what kept going through my head.  But she is not twelve years old.  She is nineteen.  She is an adult who has been in a very committed relationship with a great guy for almost two years.
(Side note: I always thought that when my sister had a child, that's when I'd know I'm getting old.  I'm proud to say I'm 27, not old, and I'm going to be the coolest aunt in the history of ever.)

One of my best friends as a child was recently in a boating accident.  She almost died.  She had to have her leg amputated.  Now she and I haven't been close since we were twelve, but it was pretty shocking to me still.  This girl is one of the most athletic girls I know...she is in the Air Force!  And this family is amazing.  As I read her blog and her friend's blog about the accident, I am in complete awe of how she is handling the whole thing.  When I grow up, I want to be like her.  Strong, independent, faithful, caring, determined, loving....Christlike.  (Her parents really got it right when they named her Christy.)

I have a very good friend, easily one of my top ten favorite people, who was diagnosed with skin cancer fairly recently.  He has been battling it, and luckily, it's shrinking.  But not as quickly as they want.  Finding out that someone you love has cancer is shocking.  It rocks your world a little bit.  I try not to think about how dreary the world would be without him.  Instead, I try to focus on making sure we always catch up, we see each other whenever we're in the same county, and we make each other laugh.

My mom's good friend died a few days ago.  It was sudden and unexpected.  Her youngest child is a senior in high school.  She's only a couple years older than my mom.  When hardly anybody came to my bachelorette party, she came.  She was a great friend and a good person.  It was too soon.

I got married five years ago yesterday.  Three years later, to the day, I definitively decided on divorce.  I have two other friends who were married the same day.  They celebrated their five year anniversaries last night.  They each have two children.  If you would have asked me where I'd be today five years ago, I would've guessed that I'd be in the same boat as them.

But life doesn't always turn out how we expect it to be.  Sometimes life has other ideas.  Sometimes it's not even life that has these other ideas, sometimes it's just other people.  Life is just a series of actions and reactions.

Someone reminded me a couple days ago that we are not guaranteed anything more than right now.  We have THIS moment.  We don't know when our time will come.  We don't even know if there is anything after this.  Most of us hope and believe that there is... I know I do!  But if there's not, what are you doing RIGHT NOW to make the most of your life?

I see so many people just sitting back and waiting for life to happen to them.

But life. doesn't. happen. TO you.

YOU make life happen.  YOU create the life you want.

Life is precious.  Don't waste it.

Dear Twenty-Six...

Dear Twenty-Six,

Thank you.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart.  You were the year I needed.  Twenty-Five was harsh, and you showed me happiness.  You brought me understanding.  You helped me to find the lessons from all the trials of Twenty-Five.  You taught me forgiveness.  You gave me clarity.

I think I have loved you more than any other number.  And now it is time to move on to Twenty-Seven, the number I have kinda been dreading.  But, Twenty-Six, you brought me to California and you gave me a new adventure.  At Twenty-Seven, I think I'm ready for it.  It's going to be amazing, wonderful, scary, difficult, exciting, happy....everything I've always hoped for. 

What will you teach me, Twenty-Seven?  Let's do this.

Love,
Me

 

Broken.

I have been going back and forth in my head over whether or not to post this blog.  Timehop said that two years ago today, I started this blog.  And in about 40 posts, I've had over 5,700 views.  That's pretty cool.  (Thanks for reading!)  So I took that as a sign to post today.

Sometimes things happen in your life that make you think, Why?  Why did this happen?  How could this happen?  What did I do to deserve that?

And sometimes there is no answer.

Trust can be destroyed in an instant.  One person's actions can leave you confused, scared, and broken.  We are fragile humans, after all.

We break.  Sometimes we shatter, and sometimes we just get knicked a little bit.  And then we have to somehow figure out how all the pieces fit back together.  Sometimes it's really easy to figure it out, and sometimes it takes a long time.  We never looks the same as we did at the beginning.  You can see that we've been broken, especially when we've been broken over and over again.  But those breaks add character.  And if the glue is strong enough, we probably will not break in the same place again.  We'll break somewhere new.  The glue is what will make us stronger.

You can avoid breaking by staying up on the shelf and never letting anyone come close enough.  Or you can come down off the shelf, take some risks, and see what happens.  You will probably get dropped a few times, maybe even kicked or stepped on, but the glue is always there, ready to put you back together.

Risks are what makes life exciting.  Don't be afraid to trust, to leap, to love.  With high risk comes the potential for high return. 

Choose.

Last week, I began a blog post that I never got around to finishing.  It was a hard one to write because I was having a hard time.  I was feeling discouraged and lonely.  I was feeling confused and helpless.  I started to write about things that were gritty and real.  About how putting your life back together after what you had envisioned was shattered is really hard.

And it is.

But then a weekend like this past weekend comes.  A day like today happens.  And things are suddenly put into perspective.

Life is a roller coaster.  We have ups, and we have downs.  Every day is a new day.  Every moment is a new moment.  And we have the ability to choose for ourselves what we will make of it.  Of what we will make of our lives.  

We can choose to be happy.

We can choose to find joy in the little things...like ridiculous pink heart sunglasses, like singing Backstreet Boys with a friend to the guy in the car next to you, like someone at church telling you they like your dress, like a hug from a friend you haven't seen in awhile, like a text from someone you weren't sure was your friend anymore, like downloading an album that you and your mom used to listen to all the time, like a girl drumming on trash cans because she wants to get off the streets, like Barstow tacos, like red and white confetti nail polish that you buy just to see what it looks like, like getting an extra hour of sleep, like losing an hour of sleep because you stayed up talking to a special person, like watching a 7-year-old girl wolf down a huge piece of pizza in 5 minutes flat.

Whatever it is, no matter how small, you can find joy in it.

And if you are having a hard time today, tomorrow is a new day.  You can start over.  You can always choose to be different.  You can always choose to be happy.

And you can always, always, ALWAYS find joy in the pink heart sunglasses...