I'm a Mormon.

Wow.

I can hardly believe that five years has passed since this day.

Not a day goes by that I'm not grateful for the decision I made to be baptized into The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

That's not to say that once I got baptized all my problems just magically disappeared and life was suddenly perfect.  That would be far from the truth, and if you know me, you know that's true.  But it has gotten easier because I know that I don't have to do it alone.  God is always with me.

After my divorce, I was asked on so many occasions, "Are you still going to be Mormon?"

My answer: Yes.  Why?  Because this is where I belong.

Look at this picture:

That girl in the blue dress just made the biggest commitment of her life, and she never felt better.

I'm not perfect.  I'll never deny that it has been a struggle at times and that I have made many mistakes along the way.  But there is no doubt in my heart or mind that this Gospel is true.

My name is Danielle.  I'm an actress, a singer, a BYU-Idaho graduate.  I live an adventurous life, and I love new experiences.  I want to see the world, and I try to seize every opportunity.  I have big plans and even bigger dreams...and I'm a Mormon.

He Remembered Me.

This isn't something I've talked about much because it's so personal to me, but I'm just so happy to say that today I have gone five years DRUG FREE!

What a difference it makes!  My mind has never been clearer.  My heart has never been happier.  And I'm finally comfortable in my own skin.

Many of you don't know that side of me, and with lots of faith and prayer, you never will.  And I don't need to talk about it because who I was doesn't matter.  It only matters who I am now and who I am trying to be.

I'm grateful everyday that the Lord remembered me and rescued me.  Without Him, who knows where I would be!

If you struggle with addiction, you're not alone.  There are lots of people out there, just like you, who have had to walk some difficult roads.  There are lots of people out there who can offer love, strength, and support.  And I am one of them.

~Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future.~

Oscar Wilde

Friendship.

Recently, I've had the special blessing of learning what true friendship is.  I would like to share with you what I have learned.  But first, here's a little bit about me.

I've never really been the one to show my friends how much I need help.  There have been few people throughout my life who have seen that side of me.  I've never wanted to burden anyone with my problems, especially because I know that everyone has their own.  A few months ago, I was asked the question, "Don't you like to be there for your friends?"  I answered, "Absolutely."  Then the follow-up question, "Then don't you think your friends would like to be there for you?"

And since then, here's what I've learned the answer is: YES.

They love me and care for me, and it makes them feel good to help.  It also makes me feel so much better when I know that I have people to call.  It helps me to stay positive.  And I can see Christ's love for me in them.

I've also learned that friendship is a two-way street.  It's not just one person always needing the other.  It's two people who love, care for, and need each other.  It's celebrating the happy times and comforting during the hard times.  It's not always expecting the other person to be "on" and accepting them in their vulnerable state.  It's encouraging and helping them to be better.  It's being a positive influence.

I have a whole new appreciation for my friends, and I'm incredibly grateful for them.

So, if you're a person, like me, who has trouble asking for help or comfort, don't be.  Ask for help.  There are people who love you and who would LOVE to be able to comfort you.   

Life is Short.

You know when you're playing around on your phone and a message pops up and you can see the beginning words of it but you can't read the whole thing?

Well, when this one started with, "Hey, not sure if you had heard, but thought you would want to know..."  There were a few thoughts that came to mind.

1. There's a cool audition coming into town.
2. Something awesome happened.
3. Or something really really bad or sad happened.

I had a feeling it was the third one.

When you get the news that someone that you were once very close to passed away three days ago from cancer, so many thoughts run through your head.

How did I not know that she was battling cancer for FOUR months?  How have THREE days passed already? How long has it been since I've seen her?  Talked to her in a more significant way than a facebook comment?  How have I not met or spoken to her wife, who she has been with over SIX years?  How has so much life passed by that as I read her obituary, I'm learning things I didn't know about my friend?

For me, this is so unexpected.  For her family, it probably wasn't unexpected at all.  You don't usually overcome pancreatic cancer.

I am shocked and sad that such a beautiful person with so much goodness and love left the world so soon.  And I am more sad that I have missed out on so much life with her.

There are people who come into our lives that we love, and we will always love them, even if we don't speak often.  She is one of those people for me.  So I ask, why did I let so much life and so many years get away?

Why do we do that?

When we love someone, we should reach out more.  We should hold the people we love close to us.  Because life is short.

See you later, Stefanie.  I love you.

Why wait?

This year, I decided not to make any resolutions.  But it’s starting to look like I made them without even knowing it…

I think it’s easy in life to make a bucket list of things you want to do and then just push them off until later.  Until I have enough money.  Until I have the right job.  Until I get married.  Until I have more time.

But here’s what I realized:

If you keep living in the future, you’re not living in the present.

What if “until…” never comes?  Then you’ll have a whole life of waiting around for whatever it is you were waiting for, and you’ll have missed out on all the opportunities you had to do the things you wanted to do.

I won’t do that anymore.  I had a conversation with a friend of mine recently that I haven’t seen in years.  He is a world traveler, and I’m just amazed with his life and everything that he’s done and is currently doing.  He pointed out to me that so many people say to him, “I wish I could travel….I wish I could do this or that…” And he says, “Just do it!”  Buy the plane ticket, save a little, and just go!

So that’s what I’m doing.  When an opportunity presents itself, I’m going to take it.  I’m going to do those things that I’ve always wanted to do but was just waiting “until…”  I’m going to go places that I’ve always wanted to go but didn’t think I could “until…”

So far this year (not even two weeks in), I’ve already done a couple things:
1. Snowboarding (SERIOUSLY FUN)
2. Kickboxing (with a punching bag and gloves and everything…LOVED IT)

On the agenda for next month:
1. Spending a weekend with my Godfather (who I just adore and have never had enough time with)
2. Visiting Wine Country (no wine tasting for me though)
3. SKYDIVING!!!  (This is a lifelong goal…and it’s just a little over a month away!)

Sometime this year:
1. A possible cruise (and wait!  It’s a two-in-one!)
2. To either Alaska, New Zealand, or Australia (all of which I’m dying to go to so we’ll see how dates and prices work out)
3. Or possibly Disneyworld (because I have to be realistic, and I if I can’t afford the above, I’m Florida-bound!)
4. Run a 10k
5. Buy a gun

And whatever else comes up, I’m just going to do it!  

Life is here, guys.  Now.  Why wait?

2013's Most Important Lesson

I was going to write a blog that had four lessons that I learned this year, but I got to the last one and decided that it should be it's own blog (I don't like them to be too long).  And it's the most important, so what better day to reflect on it and share the most important lesson of, quite possibly, my whole life than today.

Forgiveness is real.

Not only does the Lord forgive us when we ask for it, but He gives us the opportunity to forgive others.  

I have always thought of myself as a pretty forgiving person.  I get over things really easily because so many things just seem so small in the big scheme of things.  But every once in awhile, something happens that seems unforgiveable.  Not only is it extremely hard to forgive, but sometimes you don't even want to. 

And that's when you start changing.  That's when you start becoming someone that you're not.  That's when you start hating another person and blaming them for the things that have gone or are going wrong in your life.  That's when you become unhappy, angry, fearful, defensive, offensive, sad, resentful, obsessive.  Or maybe you become melancholy, depressed, empty.  

But those things are not who you are.

And they are not what the Lord wants you to feel.  And that's why we have forgiveness.  I have always heard, and probably even said, "Forgiveness is not for the other person, it's for you."  But recently I got to actually experience that in a huge way.  

When we let go of our obsession with justice, we can have faith that God will be perfectly just.

When we give Him our heartache, He can lift us up.

When we let go of our hurt/anger/sadness/pain/resentment/hatred, we allow Christ to heal us.

So here's what I realized:

The Lord wants us to be happy.

True happiness and hurt/anger/pain/resentment/hatred/fear/depression/etc. cannot exist together.

Forgiveness, whether for us from God or for another person from us, has the ability to take away that hurt/anger/pain/resentment/hatred/fear/depression/etc.

This is why the Lord emphasizes forgiveness and repentance so much.  

Because in the end, we are so much happier when we just let go and let God.

Lessons from Hiking

Whenever I go hiking, I get at least one life lesson.  I have decided to share some of them from this year with you.  Share yours if you have any!

1. It is so much easier to go down than go up.  And once you start the journey down, there is usually no need to stop to catch your breath.  You have momentum.  We should constantly be striving to go up, even though it's hard.

2. When you slip and fall on the rocks, you have to get back up and keep going.

3. Sometimes you have to push through the pain.

4. The satisfaction comes when you have pushed yourself farther than you knew you could go.  When you get to the top, you can see how far you've come, and your perspective is clearer than when you were in the middle of the hike.

5. When you take the path less traveled, you might see some cool things, but a cactus will try to eat you and you will wish you wore long pants. And in the end, you're just grateful you made out out alive.  (This is a direct quote from one of my hikes.  There are many meanings here.  You can interpret it for yourself.)