2013's Most Important Lesson

I was going to write a blog that had four lessons that I learned this year, but I got to the last one and decided that it should be it's own blog (I don't like them to be too long).  And it's the most important, so what better day to reflect on it and share the most important lesson of, quite possibly, my whole life than today.

Forgiveness is real.

Not only does the Lord forgive us when we ask for it, but He gives us the opportunity to forgive others.  

I have always thought of myself as a pretty forgiving person.  I get over things really easily because so many things just seem so small in the big scheme of things.  But every once in awhile, something happens that seems unforgiveable.  Not only is it extremely hard to forgive, but sometimes you don't even want to. 

And that's when you start changing.  That's when you start becoming someone that you're not.  That's when you start hating another person and blaming them for the things that have gone or are going wrong in your life.  That's when you become unhappy, angry, fearful, defensive, offensive, sad, resentful, obsessive.  Or maybe you become melancholy, depressed, empty.  

But those things are not who you are.

And they are not what the Lord wants you to feel.  And that's why we have forgiveness.  I have always heard, and probably even said, "Forgiveness is not for the other person, it's for you."  But recently I got to actually experience that in a huge way.  

When we let go of our obsession with justice, we can have faith that God will be perfectly just.

When we give Him our heartache, He can lift us up.

When we let go of our hurt/anger/sadness/pain/resentment/hatred, we allow Christ to heal us.

So here's what I realized:

The Lord wants us to be happy.

True happiness and hurt/anger/pain/resentment/hatred/fear/depression/etc. cannot exist together.

Forgiveness, whether for us from God or for another person from us, has the ability to take away that hurt/anger/pain/resentment/hatred/fear/depression/etc.

This is why the Lord emphasizes forgiveness and repentance so much.  

Because in the end, we are so much happier when we just let go and let God.

Lessons from Hiking

Whenever I go hiking, I get at least one life lesson.  I have decided to share some of them from this year with you.  Share yours if you have any!

1. It is so much easier to go down than go up.  And once you start the journey down, there is usually no need to stop to catch your breath.  You have momentum.  We should constantly be striving to go up, even though it's hard.

2. When you slip and fall on the rocks, you have to get back up and keep going.

3. Sometimes you have to push through the pain.

4. The satisfaction comes when you have pushed yourself farther than you knew you could go.  When you get to the top, you can see how far you've come, and your perspective is clearer than when you were in the middle of the hike.

5. When you take the path less traveled, you might see some cool things, but a cactus will try to eat you and you will wish you wore long pants. And in the end, you're just grateful you made out out alive.  (This is a direct quote from one of my hikes.  There are many meanings here.  You can interpret it for yourself.)

Storms happen.

Storms.  They happen.  Sometimes they're heavy and quick.  Sometimes they're long and constant.  Sometimes they're easy.  Sometimes they're dreadful.  But they happen.  They're necessary.  

And they never last forever.

Just when you think the storm is never going to end, God sends you a rainbow.  And after that crazy storm, the rainbow is just what you need.  And it's so much sweeter than it would have been without the storm.

"It is better for us to pass through sorrow that we may know the good from the evil."

Infinite Worth

I have this picture of Christ that I keep in my room.  Below his face, it has this quotation:

"If only you could see yourself as I see you, you would know your infinite worth."

I look at it everyday to remind myself that I am a Daughter of God.  That He lives and loves ME.  That I matter to Him.  He sees me for everything that I am, weaknesses and flaws included, and still believes that I have infinite worth.

But it's not just me that He sees that way; it's YOU, too!  And everyone in this world.  This has been on my mind recently.  That the people I know are of infinite worth to Him.  That He has a much better view of the people around me.  That my view is so narrow and limited.  He sees the bigger picture.  He knows our hearts.  He knows our strengths and our weaknesses.  And He loves us despite our flaws.

This was always a good reminder to me to love myself.  But over the last few days, it has been a reminder to me that I should also strive to see others in this way.  To know that they are divine beings with divine potential and infinite worth. 

Dear Twenty-five...

Dear Twenty-five,

You have been an interesting year...quite the adventure we've had.  We've had ups and downs.  Some things were expected, and some were unexpected.  Some times were amazing, and some times were awful.  There were good days, and there were bad days, and there were days in between.  

But here's what you taught me:
It's ok to cry, even when you're happy.  It's ok to laugh, even when you're sad.  Love is not always a big, passionate romance.  Sometimes it's just putting someone else before you, even when you don't want to.  It's hoping the best for them and loving them even though they've hurt you.  But it's also important to know when to put yourself first and think about your own needs.  You taught me patience.  You taught me that it's ok to wallow in self-pity for a little bit, but then you have to get out of bed and do something.  You taught me that it's good to trust others but that not everybody is trustworthy.  You taught me how to really forgive....a few times.  But you also taught that me forgiveness doesn't always come right away.  You taught me that life goes on.  You reminded me that God loves me and is always with me.  

I know what kind of person I want to be because of you, Twenty-five.  You helped me find that again.

We had an adventure, Twenty-five, and I'm grateful for you.  But let's be honest, I'm so ready for Twenty-six.

Love,
Me

Great Grandpa Ray

It's amazing how the Lord speaks to you and prepares you, and you don't even know it until later.

This morning, I was reading in Alma 11 and 12, where Amulek teaches about death, both temporal and spiritual, and what happens after and in between.  Just a few hours later, I found out that my great grandfather passed away just this morning.  

He was 92.  He had seven children, six grandchildren, and five great grandchildren, so far.  His lovely wife, my great grandmother, passed away just four short years ago.  These last few years, he has been living with dementia and slowly retreating.  He was born on the Fourth of July, and I remember so many childhood Independence Days at his house in Davis, CA, singing Yankee Doodle Dandy to him with the rest of our family.  I remember swimming in his pool and diving off the diving board.  I remember sitting in his lap and telling him stories.  I remember staying over at his house and staying up late with him and my mom playing SkipBo.  I remember going to Great Grandma Mary's funeral (his wife) in 2009 and singing Ave Maria with him.  I remember playing Dominoes with him over and over and over again just less than a year ago...and Sorry, too!  (He loved games.)  I remember his laugh...loud and happy.  When we saw him last August, Ephraim and I just loved his laugh, and once he figured out how much we loved it, he made it a point to do it over and over and over again.  He was always full of life.  He was a truly amazing man.

I am grateful for the Lord's plan.  This new experience today helps to seal in what I read this morning in the scriptures.  It reminds me of why I love this gospel so much.  It helps me to see that there is so much light at the end of the tunnel.  It's a testament of why we're here on this earth.

When Adam and Eve were in the garden, they were told not to eat the forbidden fruit, that if they did they would surely die.  If they had not eaten the fruit, they would have lived forever in the Garden of Eden, in an innocent state, never knowing good from evil, or happiness from sadness.  They would never have gained any new knowledge.  And they would never have been able to progress.  They would have never been able to leave the earth and go back to Heavenly Father to live with Him for all eternity.  It was always part of the plan for them (us) to experience a physical and temporal death so that they (we) could be resurrected and go back to God.

With this knowledge, death could almost be celebrated.  Yes, we are sad that a person we love so much is gone from this world.  But we can take comfort in knowing that we can see them again someday.  And really, who wants to live here on earth forever when there is a much better place waiting for us?  Earth is fun and interesting and exciting for now, but it's just a temporary home (like Carrie Underwood says...and if you don't know that song, look it up).

I'm sad for my family because I know that we will all miss him.  I'm also happy for him and my beautiful great grandmother who will now be reunited with each other and two of their sons who went before.

Today I am so grateful for God's mercy, for His foresight, for His grace to give us just what we need when we need it.  I'm grateful for His Plan of Salvation and that I have the blessing of knowing it.  The Lord loves us so much, and we are so lucky to have Him on our side!




If you have any questions about what I've just talked about, please feel free to ask or go here: http://mormon.org/beliefs/plan-of-salvation

Pioneer Day

About a month ago, I was asked to go to Meadow, Utah, near Fillmore, and speak at the town's annual Pioneer Day celebration.  For those of you who don't know what Pioneer Day is: it's a Utah/Idaho/LDS holiday dedicated to remembering the pioneers who crossed the plains to get to Utah, Nevada, California, and Idaho (many were Latter-day Saints seeking a place where they could safely practice their religion).  Oftentimes, converts are referred to as "Modern-day Pioneers," so sometimes you'll hear from converts (which I am) about their conversion story, as well as pioneer stories.

Well, when I was asked to do this program, I was shocked and honored that my aunt Bonnie (who I had never even met at the time) would ask me to do this for her town.  Basically, I was given the directions of speak and sing for 30-45 minutes about your story and pioneer stories.  I've never done anything like this.  I've sang a musical number in church many times, I've given a 5-10 minute talk three times, but this was a BIG task.  

After lots of prayer, preparation, and asking friends for family stories (thank you to those who sent them!), I put together something that I hoped would be beneficial to someone.  I made the four hour drive to Meadow and arrived just in time for the parade, which was adorable!

When it came time for me to speak, I just hoped and prayed that one person would be touched by it.  The best part of the whole thing was knowing that someone was.  Right after I finished, a man in this thirties(ish) came up to and, with tears in his eyes, told me that he was going through a difficult time and that what I said was exactly what he needed to hear.

This is what it's about, folks.  I feel blessed and honored to have said something that might help him.  It's all inspiration.  The Lord knows what we need and when we need it, and He will place people in your life and in your path to deliver the message.

I hope that we can all be as open as this man was to hearing the message that God is trying to deliver to us.

This was easily one of the most memorable and touching moments of my life, and I am so grateful to have had that opportunity.

Uncle Shane, Aunt Bonnie, their 7 kids, and me!

This was my first time meeting half of them (we just found out about my uncle about five years ago because he was given up for adoption).
They're the coolest!

Four Quick Thoughts

As many of you know by now, Ephraim and I are divorced.  I had initially decided not to post anything because I figured that the people who cared or were curious would ask.  But I recently had a conversation with a very dear friend of mine who was in the singles ward that Ephraim and I were in when he was in the Bishopric.  I explained to her that one of the hardest parts of making the decision was knowing that so many students in this ward looked to us as an example.  I was afraid of letting them down.  In some ways, I probably have.  But it is my hope that some insights come to anyone who has looked up to us or me.  These are definitely things I have learned.

1. No one is perfect.  It doesn't matter what your calling is or how good you are or how many people follow you.  No one is perfect.  We all make mistakes.  We all have weaknesses.  What matters is that you're trying.  One of the things both Ephraim and I always wanted the singles in the ward to understand was that it's about lifting others up.  It's about helping the people around you and really loving them.  I think I can speak for both of us on this one...that's really what it's about.

2. Hold onto each other.  I hope it brought the now-married members of our ward closer together.  I hope they see that it can happen to anyone.  I hope they realize that half of marriages end in divorce, and members of the LDS church are no exception.  Take time before your marriage to really get to know each other and make sure that you are compatible.  Marriage is about more than attraction, and it's also about more than friendship.

3. It's ok to ask for help.  It does not make you weak.  It takes a strong person to ask for help...a humble person.

4. YOU CAN MAKE IT THROUGH ANYTHING.  The world might seem like it's falling apart around you.  You might feel like you are going through the hardest thing of your life.  You might want to just give up.  You might feel like God has left you.  But He hasn't.  He is very aware of you.  Whether it's divorce, death, sickness, injury, or any other pain, He understands.  When you trust in Him, you will be ok.  You can do it!

Over the last few months, I have been able to see how blessed I am.  The Lord has put very special people in my life to help me and to guide me.  He has helped me to search for the good and to stay positive during the hardest time of my life.  And if you want Him to, I know that He'll do the same for you!  =)

People Lessons

Some people come into your life for a short time.  Some people come for a long time.  And some stay forever.  No matter the length of time, they all have a story.  And they all have something they can teach you.  Sometimes they teach you by the words say they say, and sometimes your experiences with them teach you something.  Sometimes the lessons are pleasant, and sometimes they are not.  The question is, what do we do with these lessons?  Do we ignore them or do we implement them in our lives?  Do we become angry about the experience and forget to find the lesson?  Or do we welcome the lesson?

I only recently started seeing things from this perspective, and I wish I would've been looking for the lessons long ago.  It makes things so much easier!  Instead of dwelling on the pain that someone has caused me, I think to myself, what can I learn from this person?  Looking for the lesson takes my energy away from the negative and turns into something positive that will, hopefully, help me improve and become a better person.  I appreciate the people who have come into my life not only for their friendship and love but also for the ways they have helped me grow...even those people who have hurt me.  I love all of them, and I'm grateful to them for teaching me.

Message

While I was in DC and on my way to Embassy Row from an art gallery called The Phillips Collection, I saw Gandhi.  This was the bottom of the statue.

I thought this quotation, "My life is my message," was amazing.  Since then, I have taken a step back and thought, if someone were to study my life, what they learn from it?  What message would they take?  How would it impact them?

I've thought about this a lot, and here's what I've come up with:

I'd want them to know that I was a genuinely happy person, and my favorite color was the happiest color of all: yellow!  I'd want them to know that I tried to be sincere and honest.  I'd want them to know that my heart was big and full of love.  I'd want them to know that I struggled just like everyone struggles.  I'd want them to know that I did feel pain, just like everyone does.  I'd want them to know that I didn't always feel like I could make it through, that life was too hard and I just wasn't strong enough.  I'd want them to know that in those times, I looked outside of myself to something much bigger than me.  I'd want them to know that my faith guided me and gave me the strength to make it through.  I'd want them to know that I wasn't perfect, that I made lots of mistakes, but that at the end of the day, I tried my best to follow my heart and my conscience.  I'd want them to know that I believed in Jesus Christ and loved Him with everything I had.  I'd want them to know that I know God loves me and He loves them, too.

I hope this is the message that my life portrays.

I'm grateful for the outpouring of love and support I've received recently.  I'm grateful for the kind words.  I'm so grateful to know that I have touched so many special people in positive ways.  If you are one of these people, here's what I ask: be a light in someone else's life.  Find someone who needs you and just love them.  That's what it's all about, folks!  LOVE!

Adventures in D.C. Part 3

First off, let me just say that these blogs have been quite an undertaking and I can't wait until I'm done (this is the last!).  I'm glad to see that they're getting some page views.  Otherwise, this would all feel pointless.  I promise, when these are over it's back to my short and sweet blogs.

So now it's Saturday.  My mom had her conference.  My sister wanted to sleep all day again.  So I went out by myself.  Now some people would not be up to this.  I, on the other hand, prefer this.  I always feel like other people don't move as quick as I'd like to or sometimes they don't want to see the same things I do.  I get more done when I'm alone.  Someday, I hope I can find a travel buddy who travels like I do.  But until then, I am completely comfortable on my own (I mean, I did go to Thailand by myself when I was 20).

I decided to head to Tidal Basin, where the Jefferson Memorial, FDR Memorial, and MLK Memorials are.  We didn't make it there on the day that would've been normal to get there because, as I mentioned, other people move too slow.

Tidal Basin

Jefferson Memorial

George Mason Memorial

 FDR Memorial

MLK Memorial

I was pretty hungry after that, so I stopped at this place called the Wicked Waffle.  They make sandwiches with waffles as the bread.  I thought it looked interesting.  I got a prosciutto, mozzarella, and arugula sandwich.  It was....interesting.  Not bad, but I don't know if it was good either.  It was just, interesting.

On recommendation by a friend, I went to the Renwick Gallery.

This is called Game Fish.  The artist makes things out of different objects.  For this, he used toys and game pieces.  I thought it was pretty cool.

 I didn't look at what this was called, but I thought it was really beautiful.  It's completely hollow.

 I didn't have a ton of time left before I had to be back at the hotel to see the DC United soccer game.  I would've liked to go to the International Spy Museum, Ford's Theatre, or the National Archives.  All of those are on my list for next time.  I did see the outside of Ford's Theatre though.  The second picture is right across the street.  It's the house Lincoln died in.

These guys were so cool.  I'm pretty sure they were all Vets, and they were blaring country music.  I loved it.

This the US Navy Memorial.  While I was here, some guy ran up and snatched a couple's backpack!  They were even wearing US Navy shirts!  Luckily, some sirens went off in the distance.  It must've spooked the thief because he dropped the bag right before he ran across the street.  People are nuts!

 Then it was soccer game time and then off to bed!

The next day, my mom still had her conference, and Genna STILL wanted to sleep all day.  I'm thinking, why even go?  Oh well.  Like I said, I like to explore on my own.  =)

As another recommendation from another friend, I went to the Phillips Collection near Dupont Circle.  It has more modern art, and it was really cool.  I didn't take any pictures inside, but I did take some of the outside.

I heard from someone that Embassy Row had some pretty cool architecture, and I love architecture....especially in this area.  On my way there, I ran into this guy.

And then it was embassy time!  They were seriously beautiful.

Back in Dupont Circle, I was reminded of kind of a California/Venice Beach vibe.  There were sayings and Bible verses and quotations written in chalk.  There were people just hanging out and reading or playing music.  There were homeless people.  There were young people and old people.  And you know in movies when they have those chess boards that are built in and all those old guys playing each other?  They actually exist!  I saw them here!  I'm really disappointed that I didn't get a picture.  But it was exciting.

Back in National Harbor, I got off the bus and started walking to my hotel.  And this was the view.  Gorgeous.

The next day was Memorial Day.  My mom didn't have any more convention stuff, and my sister knew she had to get up.  But they were not ready to go by the time I wanted to leave.  We were going to Arlington Cemetery and I really REALLY wanted to see the wreath laying ceremony at the Tomb of the Unknown Solder.  So I ran to the bus stop, and then rode on three different Metro lines.  The Cemetery was packed!  You had to take a shuttle to get up to the tomb.  And thank goodness I was by myself.  Otherwise I would have had to wait much longer to get on.  Unfortunately though, I just missed the cut off before the fire marshal said no more people allowed in the amphitheater.  I was pretty sad.  We could hear the 21 Gun Salute, and we could hear the singing and music, but during the speeches, some people pulled out the live stream on their phones so we could listen.  Even though I was outside, it was still an amazing experience.  There were so many people at the cemetery, and as you walk in, there were Boy Scouts and Girl Scouts handing out roses so you could lay them on graves.  I laid mine on an infant's (a child of a soldier).  It was a very humbling experience.  The cemetery is so huge and there are so many headstones.  We should probably stop all war because I don't think it'll fit a whole lot more...

There were so many headstones that looked just like this one.  I wish I had enough roses to lay on all of them.

Then we went to the 9/11 Memorial at the Pentagon.  This was a pretty significant moment in my trip.  This was in my lifetime.  I remember when we heard about it.  I was in my Geography class with Mr. Deskins.  My best friend, Jade, was in my class.  We didn't do any classwork the whole time.  We just watched videos of the planes crashing.  It was such a sad day.  For the whole week, the soap opera we watched (Passions) was cancelled and replaced with constant news updates.  I think the Pentagon crash often gets overlooked, but 184 (or 186?) people lost their lives.  This memorial honored each and every one of them.  It was really special.

 Next was the part I had been waiting for the most, Theodore Roosevelt Island.  I freaking LOVE TR.  He is, hands down, my favorite president because he's just so cool!  I mean, this guy overcame so much adversity.  He was so arrogant, so boisterous, and so smart.  And just so you know, he hated to be called Teddy.

 That was it for our last day.  The next day we hopped on the plane and went back to Las Vegas.  This is how we felt about it.