The Journey: Change and Regret

Anyone who's known me longer than five years knows I'm a very different person now than I was then.  How did I change, you ask?  Well, you know the saying that people don't change unless they want to?  That they have to change for themselves?  Yeah well, I don't think I really wanted to change in the beginning.  I was miserable, and I was totally fine with it.  In fact, it was fun to me.

On the way home from work today, Lady Gaga was telling me not to hide myself in regret.  "Just love yourself and you're set!"  She said, "I'm on the right track, baby, I was born this way."  Well, let me tell you something.  I was not born this way.  I've been changing my whole life.  And I hope I'm always changing.  (Sorry to those of you who wrote in my yearbook "Don't ever change!"  Which was everybody that didn't know what to say...)

You know when people say, "I have no regrets because everything I've done has made me who I am today and blahblahblah...." ??  Well, I don't buy it.  (Although, I have said it a time or two.)  Of course I regret things in my life!  I've learned from my mistakes, and if I could do things again, I would definitely do them differently.  I would not fight with my sister so much.  I would not call her names.  I would not tell my mom that I hate her.  I would try to stay friends with certain people, and I would never become friends with others.  Yes, those things have brought me to where I am today, but what if I could've gotten here faster?  What if I could be further than where I am now?

What I think we should say instead is: I have made mistakes, and I do have regrets.  If I could go back, I would change some things.  But I can't, so I don't dwell on those things.  Instead, I look to my future.  It is bright, and I can be different.  I can be better.

If you haven't figured it out, this isn't really a blog about how I got where I am now.  It's more about the journey that starts right now...and every day from now on.  I've changed a lot....and I'm still changing.  The difference is, now I want to.

So come with me on my journey to a better me.....